| | Asian persuasion.
Yesterday was a pretty interesting day. My cousin had came over the previous night and hung out for a while. Then we went over to his friend Eric's house to spend the night. He brought along Euro Trip and he fell asleep like around 2am when it was still playing. Eric and I were still awake and he wanted to watch Troy. So him and I ended up watching it but then he fell asleep and I continued watching the movie. I didn't go to bed yesterday until like 6am in the morning.
I remember sitting in the couch in Eric's living room thinking. How I just wanted to go over to where my cousin Zack was and just give him a hug and kiss on the head goodnight. Not as anything sexual or anything, just to be loving that way. I then thought about how often I DO want to be loving towards people, especially my family. To give out hugs, show my appreciation through gestures and such but never do. I realized how it was just another wall of mine that I had put up long ago and was then just afraid to show my expressions to others. That they'll think bad of me or something, or not want it. It's hard looking past yourself, especially the emotional part of yours. The whole not showing affection was cause I was afraid, and fear is a big negative thing that hinders a lot. But I just thought logically, that Zack would appreciate something like that and he's not going to push me away. If anything, he'd welcome my hug and hug me back. Why be afraid towards people who love me for no matter what? So I got up and did, and it felt good. I don't think he was awake, but I didn't care. Just to know I got past a part of myself and felt good doing it was all I wanted, cause it's the first step on many I plan on making to make myself into the person who I've wanted to become.
The rest of the day consisted of Zack and I walking across town. We both didn't wake up until like 2pm and left probably around 3pm to his house so I could take a shower and he could get his bike. They only have one shower, and it's in his mom's bathroom. Unfortunately, she was home and didn't want me walking in an out. So instead, I took a bath in the other bathroom. It doesn't have a shower head, just a faucet to fill in the tub. I didn't like the idea of having to take a bath and how I wouldn't feel clean as I'd like, but I also didn't like the idea of not taking anything and walking around town feeling like shit. After I got done with my bath, we headed towards Adventure Park so I could play some DDR. Along the way, we stopped at Monty Mart because I didn't get to eat anything all day. I made eggs in the morning at Eric's house for Zack, but I didn't eat any myself. I went inside and picked up a can of Chef Boyardee's spaghetti and meatballs in a can, one Lunchables pack and a bottle of Gatorade to drink. When I got out of the store, Zack who was on his bike mentioned that he'd go take off to get another cousin of ours and meet me at Adventure Park. So he took off and I started walking to Adventure Park alone.
Along the way, I picked up a spoon at Carl's Jr. so I could eat my can of spaghetti and meatballs. While walking there, I just kept thinking about my food and how hungry I was. It was like 6pm and all the walking was making me hungry too. But while I was walking along side the mall, I saw this guy sitting down in front where the cars pull out of the mall parking lot to exit. He was holding up a sign which I partially read as I passed by, about helping him out and a hot meal. When I saw him, I knew he was a bum. Just kept thinking on how he should get a fucking job and stop trying to mooch of people. There's people who have it harder than he does and make something of themselves, why doesn't he? Gah. And I just kept thinking that as I kept walking and was 500 feet past him already. But then I started slowing down and came to a stop. I though about how I was being negative and that isn't good. Sure he might be just like the rest of the bums, but helping someone out is always a good thing to do. I thought about which food product I should give him and started walking back. He was already getting up ready to leave his spot when I stopped him. I gave him my Lunchables because it was the least of what I really wanted. I love cold cans of spaghetti and meatballs. But as I gave him the Lunchables, I thought about how he might need something later to eat too. So I dug in my bag and pulled out the can for him. He thanked me a lot, especially for turning around and coming back after passing him. I told him no problem, smiled and walked away. I felt a sense of positive goodness inside, and how I was right to not listen to my negativeness. Even though he might be successful bum ripping off people, I did help someone out who was less fortunate. I knew that later I'd have a home to go to and food there that I could eat whenever I wanted and he wouldn't no matter how good he is.
I played about three games of DDR, the last one being a nonstop one where you play four songs in a row without stopping. That's what did it for me at the end, because as Zack and our cousin Danny started walking back home, my legs were feeling really tired and my body was drained of energy. When we exited the place, it was already raining. Thankfully I had my heavy jacket on, which is good for such events. Before it just kept me hot when walking across town, but now it has some use. But unfortunately, jackets only cover the upper half of your body. I was wearing long carpenter jeans that kept getting soaked in the small puddles and rain so I had to keep walking with my hands holding them up so they wouldn't get completely soaked. But that soon came to and end when I saw a small puddle and tried jumping over it, not seeing the bigger puddle next to it. Soaked my shoes and bottom of my pants. Then I just said fuck it and let go of my pants letting them drag the rest of the way.
We got to a point where my cousin Zack and Danny took off in their direction to go do something and I went in my direction to walk back home. By this time, my legs were really tired, my mind was feeling mushy and I was still hungry. I thought about how much further I had to walk and it was still quite a while away. So I just did what I always do when I don't want to remember the walking, I let my mind go blank not focusing on anything for a while and just let my legs go in backup mode and walk on their own. Eventually after a while I just started thinking about random stuff, which I do when I walk. Makes the time go by quicker it seems.
When I finally got home, I took my wet shoes and pants off at the door and went to my room to take off my socks. But as I walked into my room, I noticed something large sitting on my piano. It was a large white square cardboard with drawings on it from Suer Mario 3. Then I realized, the drawings of the Mario characters were ones I used to draw. But those drawings I made so many years ago are long gone, let alone any that I used to draw on large pieces of cardboard. I never kept any of them, they were done at school and I left them there. Did someone manage to keep one and end up in my mom's hands where she left it on the piano for me? I didn't call my mom, cause it was nearly 10pm by the time I got home and she's over at her boyfriend's house for the weekends. Yeah, someone must have kept onto it and somehow either found where I lived or knows my mom and realized that I'm her son. I was quite popular back in elementary school for my drawing abilities. I used to draw Mario all the time during class and in the sand outside the cafeteria during lunch. I'd have friends asking me to draw them Mario and I always gave away my drawings to them. I remember teachers always being impressed with my talent, and one saying how she was going to keep one until I was rich and famous and show it saying to them that she had me as her student once. I know this isn't the drawing cause the one I gave my teacher was a small 8x11 one. Man, it's so... weird seeing an old drawing of mine that I made long ago. I look at it now and criticize it :) Seeing parts where I drew the pipes together as being too close, or the eyes of one of the Cheep-Cheeps being slanted, or even that most of the characters shouldn't be where they are.
Yesterday was pretty out there. Tired and draining, but good nonetheless even if I was dead tired from walking, hungry, cold, and wet. I'm still alive and feel I've grown stronger cause of everything. Even a bad experience can be a good thing, just depends on how you look at it and take it. |
| | Posted 1/9/2005 2:22 AM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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